For those who don't know, 19 years ago on this day, when I didn't even exist yet.. I lost a brother. An older brother I've always wanted to meet but unfortunately, never had the chance to. When I found out I was devastated but you know, what can I do? I gotta admit, I'm relieved losing him before I came to life. It was better for me than knowing him, being close to him, loving him then losing him. It would hurt me so so so much more. It's his birthday today, he would've turned 19. I hope his well up there, I know he has been watching over me these years. I hope his proud of who've I've become and loves me because of who I am. Though I've never seen him, I really miss him. His name is Kennedy, how non Asian right? but when I hear his name, I can somewhat picture what he looks like.. standing there just smiling at me. I know if he was still here, he'd be a great big brother. So I would like to say,

Happy birthday Kennedy!

I really miss you.

I've always wanted to feel the love and warmth of having an older brother. I know a lot of people out there has lost someone they love, I totally understand how you feel but you probably were in a worse state then me. If I was to lose him when we actually met.. I don't think I could handle it that well because personally, it takes me so damn long to get over something that big or maybe never get over it at all. I wanted to dedicate this post to him, to tell him how much I love him. Doesn't matter if we've never met, for me to know that I once had an older brother.. it gives me great privilege to know it's him. I know he would take care of me and we would've been so close, just like best friends. He would protect me or probably kick Tony's ass if he does anything to hurt me :P LOL. Doesn't matter, I know that he's watching over me so it makes me happy. I hope I can meet him in the next life or something. I sang "someone's watching over me" by Hilary but the damn video doesn't seem to upload so whatever. Just wanted to dedicate it to Kennedy. I remember when I first watched the movie 'Raise your voice', when she sang that song for her brother who died, it made me cry so bad.

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Anyways, about today. I was planning to do something but I didn't really do anything. Oh, it's halloween too! I'm quite surprised no one has knocked on my door for trick or treat. Every year, on my street.. I would get knocks every minute. It was quite annoying, so thank god no one did it today. Maybe because it's a Saturday? who knows.

Oh and Ange, if you're reading this.. I'm so sorry I can't make it to your birthday tomorrow! I have work til 5 :(. I'll make it up to you babe. Have fun though!! xxx